It’s been a while since I’ve posted. My aim was to write my first twelve months (in chronological order) of my Myeloma journey but then Covid-19 hit and I started to feel like I was relieving the isolation part of my 2019 year – stuck inside, immune
compromised, fear of catching infection, getting sick, not being able to recover. All déjà vu and I didn’t feel I could relieve the past in so much detail where I couldn’t escape for a breathe of fresh air or a walk to regain myself.
One thing though that keeps at my mind is that cancer doesn’t take a break while all these other things such as a pandemic is going on. I’m still having fortnightly treatment, I’m still isolated for fear of catching infections or viruses, now being Coronavirus. One thing that’s different though is that last year I could see my friends, although gowned up and masked, they were there. This time, they too are isolated. Now sadly, we are all feeling the affects of isolation. I never wanted anyone to feel what I went through.
So we’re all stuck inside, however, with my family around me, which I call a blessing, this time I have a lot more energy with a clearer mind that I now do a few more things around the home than I could ever do last year. I do try to work a little with my online business, however, I am still haunted by my disease as I’m unpredictably tired. The inconsistencies in my life continue just when I thought I was getting it all together again. Last week I had a port put in as my veins are no longer holding up for blood tests or canular inserts for treatments. Procedure was done but another week where my life was on hold again.
The last few weeks whilst in ISO also saw the beginning of celebrating anniversaries. My first transplant anniversary known in the warrior scene as “rebirthing” was the biggest. I was so grateful to have my birthday at home this year and not in hospital along with Easter in the same way. Whilst these were during ISO, it’s these small milestones I missed so much last year, that it makes you appreciate and embrace it all with so much gratefulness. that you don’t care how or where you are celebrating.
Cancer doesn’t stop. We keep living with it no matter the circumstances. I think this Covid-19 break has made all of us stop to smell the roses. I know for me, if I wasn’t housebound, I would’ve recovered, and gone back to my old life but the reality is, the old life remains as my past experiences and my new life is an improvement with a new vision and appreciation of life moving forward.
Maria 2.0 is reborn and thank you ISO for giving me a chance to stop between the old me and the new me to relook at life with many pauses in between.